Titles for a game of Diplomacy?

How about this dear boy: Your German friend comes to the dinner party and immediately lays claim to all of your possessions, including your house. Your French friend, on hearing this kerfuffle, runs out the kitchen door, never to be seen again. Your Italian friend starts cosying up to your German friend and agrees to help him out but the 7th Earl of Lucan arrives just in time to give your German friend a damn good thrashing whilst the Italian chap changes his mind and decides he wants to be my friend after all.